music: "Shut Your Mouth," Garbage
I don't understand how some people can be blessed with big-time amenities and others of the same moral character and/or position in life can be affected so continuously with bad karma.
Case in point: Four years ago an individual whom we have nicknamed "Dill Pickle" and I were in exactly the same position. We were sitting pretty in JROTC, our grade point average came down to a tenth of a point's difference from one anothers (mine was higher, of course). Good-looking, friendly, optimistic, we were both going to go far, and we were going to get there together.
Over the following years, Dill Pickle gets into drugs and alcohol, initiates himself into a highly exclusive band of "bad boys" on campus, buys a leather jacket, a black sportscar, a pair of Oakleys and does every long-haired, size zero chick in school. Riding on a full, 4-year scholarship to Texas A&M, he's now taking criminal justice at a local community college and is aiming to be a military lawyer. Somewhere along the line he managed to egg my house in contempt, but still acts nice to me when I pass him in the hallways.
I, on the other hand, took a whole extra year to buy into the drugs and alcohol scene, opted for "pleather" in the interest of saving the animals, my mom's station wagon in the interest of..well, no other choice, and I break sunglasses like no klutz you've ever seen so the investment in Oakleys is utterly out of the question. My relationships are just as shallow as his, but I'm sitting at home finishing my last English credit in random caricatures. I waited until the last minute to even talk myself into college at all, and therefore was too late to apply for scholarships. I don't know anyone where I'm going, and really have no intention to acquaint myself. My English major is tentative, and the most I can decide is that I want to go into foreign service. Somewhere along the line I've granted my notorious "fuck you" to every single one of my friends, and the people who have smiled and said "fuck you back" have become my closest and dearest companions.
I'm not saying I turned out to be a better person than Dill Pickle did. In fact, I'm pretty sure we're both about even as far as character goes. We're both amoral but have good hearts, and are rather sunken in materialism, just because that's what we grew up respecting. The only thing I don't understand is how he's able to get away with such a suave life when I've been made to suffer for my sins every step of the way, even though they're exactly the same sins as his.
I would say that it's some cruel twist of kismet, but in writing this journal entry I've almost come to realize that I'm every bit as lucky as he is. In all of this, I've come to figure out a lot more about who I am and what I want, and I've also learned who my truest friends are, and hopefully what to look for in future friends. Materialism is overrated, and essentially unsatisfying. Most of all, hard work always pays off.
See, look at that -- writing really does make everything all better. ;)