music: "She's Losing It," Belle & Sebastian
Note new link on the bar, "My Pics." Updated regularly.
This song makes me miss Thomas. Not very much. Just a teeny tiny little bit. He did make me laugh. I wish we still talked. But we were silly and melodramatic and confused and unhappy. So things became muddled and even more unhappy and then. Well.
And more than that I miss Sullivan. My God do I love that man. I bought Sister Carrie today because he wanted me to read it. I don't know if that was a hint or anything, perhaps not at the time, but maybe.. I don't know. He could predict the future? I wouldn't put it past him.
I already feel so much older than I did in high school. I think changing locations has done wonders for me. So has being friends with Liz. She's so wonderfully carefree and happy.
I don't know why I get so sentimental. I haven't been taking my meds very much lately. That's probably it. Damn seratonin or something. Sometimes I want to talk to certain people, to heal old wounds, but I never do work up the courage. Sometimes that doesn't help, you know? But old wounds can hurt so much, and scar. I think I need to write some poetry or something and just get this out of my system.
And I've also figured out that campfires will for the rest of my life make me crave a cigarette because of all those nights at Evan's, smoking around the campfire. I am SO going to die at a young age. I'm so destructive!
Oh, but it's so much fun.