music: "Young and the Hopeless," Good Charlotte
I am so excited and so ready... to what? Throw away everything 'good' that I had going for me? Absolutely. I guess the best intelligence in my head is the recognition that if you are not doing what you truly want to be doing, then you are making the wrong choices in your life.
I have done things I don't want to do for so long, it feels strange to me to find pleasure in life anymore. I have overwhelming senses of guilt and shame when I skip "responsible" activities for self-gratifying ones. When I don't clean my room so that I can have a good round of tennis. When I skip class for an extra few hours of sleep. When I put off college so that I can wander around and see the world.
How bad have things gotten when we make people guilty for wanting to be happy? I swear, no matter what a terrible mother I might be in other ways someday, I want my kids to do what makes them happy. If we don't fix this crap for the next generation, we're only making their lives as miserable as ours have been.
Okay, I am done venting now. *Off to have some fun!!*