music: "Cruficy," Tori Amos
It's the weirdest feeling being on my own so often, with nothing to occupy my time but wondering where I'll be next month, next spring, next fall.
As adventurous as I'd always dreamed it would be, it's in actuality so frightening. I only daydream anymore, and read.. books about magic and adventure. I suppose if I can't have those things yet, I'll satisfy my craving some other way.
But even the dreams of adventure are skittish, because I know what it feels like to be on your own in a strange city, thousands of miles away from anyone I know and love, stranded completely from every facility and comfort.
Perhaps it won't be that way again, perhaps this time I'll have company and resources and experience. I just hope I have the courage that I once had.
To quote Phillip, "Being an adult sucks." Perhaps it doesn't really, but it seems so overwhelming and frustrating and practical that I understand suddenly why grownups lose faith in everything they knew and loved as children. No matter what happens, I refuse to lose my childhood. One can only change the regular course of life by resisting that easy path, as I intend to do..